Self-assessment

I can't believe the blogging is over... it seems like just yesterday I was learning how to use this site and now I'm writing my last one.
I have never wrote poetry before but in this blog I wrote a couple of poems that just flowed and I was amazed. I never would have thought that I would be able to write poems like that and I did. Experimenting with pictures was truly interesting, I showed everyone pictures that I don't think I would ever have the guts to show people if it wasn't for blogging. I was able to step aside from my usually goofy laughing self and show my ranting bitchy self and wasn't ashamed about it. loll you know i love ranting! I loved the fact that I was able to pour my heart out in these blogs. Sometimes though I would just stare at a computer screen for hrs and think what the fuck am I going to write. I tired my best with being freaky and stepping out of the box, I hope you can all see that.

Obama - - - YES WE CAN

"CHANGE HAS COME TO AMERICA" words from the president himself =]

i am truly excited and happy that Barak Obama will be our country's new president. the speech he gave was so touching that i was crying.
Finally a democratic back in the white house. let history be made. my vote counted!!It's sad to hear that is grandma is not here to see he win but shes watching over him. if you think about i believe she knew he was gonna win. The fact that she passed away a day before election day made me believe she knew her time was done and that she is now going to inspire him in whether he does. I can not wait to see what he is going to do for this country! i know he can make a difference.

As far McCain's speech was prefect it was one of his best speeches ever. he couldn't have said anything better. He was just such a good sport had only but nice things to say.

"YES WE CAN"

the creativity retreat

i honestly did not know what to expect on Saturday but let me tell you it was awesome! i had alot of fun with everyone. even though we were lost for 2hrs thanks to mike lol it was great. the weather was not as bad as i thought sunday it was chilly but saturday was beautiful. the food btw wass delicious. The little workshops we had to do were nice and relax. The pictures i took were beautiful. making smores were tons of fun we could not stop laughing =]. i used to hate the nature and found it extremely boring but after saturday i see nature in a different light. i can cherish it more now.

anotherr rant

fuck fuck fuck motherfucker. im in such a bad mood.
I had to go to the doctors today and get three fucking shots in my arm and it hurts like a bitch.
then danny's ex-gf keeps running her fucking mouth and i really wanna just punch her across her ugly looking face. with her fucking big bug eyes and no lips mouth. if she wasn't fucking three hundred pounds i would but she'd prob sit on me. i hate to talk like this but i had enough of her, she will not leave me alone and i just wanna move on, im seriously over her shit. like she neeeds to grow up. we're 18 now, worry about writing papers then what i'm doing because honestly I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU SO STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT IM DOING IN MY LIFE!!
then on top of that i got big nosed f. trying start trouble with my friends so he's other one. he should worry more on graduating high school then fucking trying to start trouble. he should really go to school he would then maybe have a brain.
i seriously hate people. i got to stop caring what people say.

on a happier note...I VOTED TODAY...thankk you very much!

they need you, please help them. they need you right now more then ever.

i think about you everyday, i miss you. it seems like just yesterday i was hearing stories
about you. i hope your ok up there, better yet i know you are. i keep getting stronger as
the days pass. thank you for being there for me. I'll never forget about you, ill remember you and keep you in my heart forever.

<3

it was hard at first.
i didn't know how to feel.
One minute i missed you and then the next minute i didn't even want to see you.
you are so nice and you treat me different.
no one has ever treated me this way.
i thought i was a bad person but now i've realized i was just confused.
this was all new to me.
i'm sorry i had my doubts, you make me happy more then upset.
even though we are miles away, we just keep on getting stronger.

Retreat

Trip to the city/brooklyn

I just uploaded tons of pics and finally the ones from the trip to Brooklyn we took a lil while ago. I had a great time that day. It was fun. The museum was interesting, I enjoyed the exhibit of Gilbert and George. Walking over the Brooklyn was soo fun with the cyclists ahahah they were getting so annoyed if you were in their lane, they seriously need to relax cuz they almost ran three ppl over haha. Going to the seaport was fun, i love Nathans lol Overall it was the best trip so farrrr!!!

Inner Self

I always laugh and smile but I do bitch and cry at times.
The times when I bitch I can't help it just flows out
and it's hard to control.The reason it flows is usually
when i hold stuff inside for too long that I just explode.
It's as if I do a 180 and turn into this psycho bitch.
I don't realize how psycho I sound until after I've said
everything.
I'm also a extremely emotional person, and sometimes cry
over anything and everything. I've cried about food, about
not getting a phone call from someone, cried at t.v shows
that weren't even sad, at comedy movies, just about anything.
Any little thing that is a bit sad, I totally take it and
continue to think about worst things. For example, I once
didn't get a phone call from someone and I got upset at
first thinking what the heck..well 2 minutes later I just
started crying and crying thinking omg he doesn't like me
anymore, what if he's talking to some other girl, I'm
so stupid I feel for it again and the next day I getting
a text message from him explaining how it was just a bad night
and he would make it up to me.

Coldplay

Yes I love JT, Madonna, Britney spears and their pop genre but i listen to everything so I also love bands such as All time low, Paramore, gym class heroes, The spill canvas and my all time favorite Coldplay.
I've been listening to them for about 2 years now. I became a fan when i heard their Grammy winning song "Clocks." Chris Martin doesn't sing the typical heartbreak or lovey dovey songs his lyrics have more meaning to them. Some of his songs even tell stories. What makes Coldplay so different from the other alternative rock bands is that they use different type of instruments and sounds; they used violins, different strings from the guitar.
One of their albums called A Rush of Blood to the Head won the Grammy Award for the Best Alternative Music Album at the 2003 Grammy's. And as I said before At the 2004 Grammy's, Coldplay won the record of the year for "Clocks."
Whenever I’m having a bad day and want to listen to some music, I immediately turn to Coldplay. I swear I feel like a totally different person, all my current thoughts just disappear and just focus on Chris martin's voice and the beat of the song. Coldplay has helped get through some hard times especially over that infamous boy I've been ranting about.

original photo

2nd draft of I'm OK

All thanks to aisha =]

I thought I'd never get over you
I thought I'd never be the same
without you but you know what
I'm OK
You use to win me over with your words
You always knew exactly what to say
but guess what…
I'm OK
You never knew what you wanted
You always had to think
Was I really good for you anyway?
It doesn’t matter
I'm OK
You had your little fun with me
but I'm not your toy
I’m better then that
I’m worth more
I'm OK
You think you could get whatever you want
but honey remember
you never truly got me
I'm OK
That's why you held on so long
You tired to contain me
I'm OK
but now I'm letting go of you for good
I'm Free
I'm OK

oldd pics

I went through some old pics and heres what I found

random thoughtss

I can't think lately. my mind has been all over the place and I don't know why.

I feel light headed, I feel like I'm under water. God I'm so indecisive.

I'm getting sick..AGAIN. Stuipd cold weather.

Long weekend ahead. I have a sweet 16 saturday oh yeah partying with sixteen year olds.

I'm spinning. My eye hurts. What is wrong with me??

I'm not tired tonight. That's a first, I'm always tired.

Halloween is coming up!

It's 10:43 and everyone in my house is sleeping. It's too quiet.

Thinking about lifeeee

After watching some T.V. tonight, some things came to mind for me to think about..
I was watching One Tree Hill tonight and I noticed how every character has something that they do which they truly enjoy. Brooke loves clothing so she spends time making clothes, Peyton loves music and now shes a music producer, Nathan loves basketball and now hes going to begin playing again and Haley, she began singing again. Also Lucas he enjoys writing and he just finished his second book. When the heck I am going to find out what I enjoy and actually be good at it?? I love music but let's be realistic, I can't sing, ok I can dance but that's not going anywhere, I can't write music, I can't even play a instrument so where is this going???? I'm good at certain things but there not going to take me anywhere in life..
Another was Love. I am a true believer in love and that everyone has that one soul mate who they are destined to be with. But I'm kinda scared I will never find that someone because I'm terrible with relationships and I'm always so picky, I can't help it. Trust me, Omg I know I'm farr farr away from perfect but I think I deserve someone I have my heart set on. Everytime a descent guy comes along, I always find some excuse not to go out with them. Yes I am dating someone but lets be honest he's in boston and I'm in new york..this is prob not gonna get anywhere near to serious, So when will I find that perfect match and will I know before it's too late??

I hate thinking like this, I never use too. I use to be that care free type person but now lately I've been paranoid on everything. I wish I was a kidd again and all I had to worry about it nap time and going to the bathroom. I wish we never had to grow up because this sucks.

A Time of being free

The sky is blue
The sun is out
The windows are down
My hair blowing with the wind
The Ray-Bans are on
Music blasting
The road is clear
We can't stop laughing
Finally a road trip
LAS VEGAS BABY!
A week of no school
A week of no work
A week of no mama falcs
Parties til the A.M.
Sleeping til the Noon
I wonder how nice the hotel is..
Ahhh casino
Feeling Lucky
Not a care in the world
One more exit
Are we there yet?
I gotta pee
I'm thirsty
Wait but I gotta pee
Wow that guy was hot
OMG we're here???
Oh god did i forget something
Who cares
Let's get readyyy too parrttayyyyy

Inner Child =]

my teddy JT and I <3

I had a huge fight with my two best guy friends yesterday. Yup not One but both. Danny has been my friend since I was 13 and we have this love-hate relationship. We're always disagreeing on something and we're always fighting but we do love each other. He's the only one who I can ask a serious life question and know hes not going to tell me what I want to hear. Which I really do hate sometimes but I beginning to realize it does help. Anyway we had this fight over some chick that hes been fucking. Ugh at first I disliked her because she just showed up out of no where and only 2 weeks of knowing Danny has sex with him but then I started to like her. She was really upfront about her sleeping with Danny and I thought wow shes not that bad. I mean what girl has the balls to go tell their sex partners best friend that yes I am having sex with your best friend. But now I dislike her again. Now shes thinks their going out which last time I checked your not and the other day she got mad at Danny for inviting me to go to the mall with them. what the fuck did i do?? I'm waiting a little to see what happens. Well Danny still went to the mall after he said oh dont worry about it I'm not going. ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Who are you going to run to when this chick moves on to the next thing huh? So at the moment we are not speaking. As for my other best friend Dennis hes mad at me. Now Dennis is like the big brother I never had, he lives right around the corner and we've been best friends since I was 3 we go wayyy back. Well I found out that he's been selling drugs, he won't admit it but I have a feeling its true. I dont want to believe it but I've been hearing from different people and lately he's been hanging out with the wrong crew. So I brought it up and he freaked out. I told him that I was sick of people influencing him and how he should grow a pair and be himself. Well he said you don't understand blah blah blah. He's gonna get hurt and I'm extremly scared I keep telling him this isn't a joke but he swears hes like fuckin superman and nothing can happened to him. He doesn't wannt to speak to me and it breaks my heart because I know I'm right and he does to but he just doesn't want to say it. Hes so hard headed even after he gets into trouble he still sits there and tells you no no I didnt. I'm gonna keep trying to stop him and hopefully I'll get through him before it's late.Wait no I take that back I'm not gonna let that happen Fuck him if he hates me for the rest of my life He's gonna stop I'll figure out a way

2nd Draft of.. I can finally breathe again

It's dark
I can't see a thing
I don't know what is going on
My hands start shaking
I can't think straight
My head is spinning
I feel out of place
All of sudden I begin gasping for air
These giant hands choking me
I tell it "release me, release me"
It ignores me
My fist start flying
"Why wont you stop?"
It doesn't answer
It just releases it's firm grip and slowly backs away
A familiar face appears
I see his blue eyes glaring at mine, filled with nothing
It's as if his feels no emotion
I become confused
"Hello? Are you ok?"
His tall lean body is now standing in front of me
He continues to glare, staring down towards me since he is so tall
"I hate you" I tell him
He takes a step back
"Why did I even bother with you?"
He backs away even further
"You never cared"
He continues to step back
"Well I never want to hear from you again"
He is now by what appears to be a door
"I'm done with you"
He vanishes and the darkness clears
Light shines towards me
I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders
My once broke hearts has been cured
and I can finally breathe again

Some more interesting pics..

After learning more about Andy Warhol, who I think is extremely talented, I was inspired to use some bright colors in my pictures..

My eyess look craziiii


"Wat r you talking about?"


Laughinggggg

Pics